My Wake Up Story
I used to be a successful Manager in the Automotive industry, working for a big supplier with 14.000 employees. I was married, we had built a huge house, I had a nice car, was able to buy anything I wanted. According to old status paradigms, I had reached everything one could wish for by the age of only 36. And yet, I felt tired and burnt out. Today, only five years later, after having travelled the world alone as a digital nomad, I am in a conscious partnership, and I am applying my corporate knowledge and business skills combined with my knowledge about universal energies, to co-create a NEW PARADIGM to live in. It is an organically growing movement of people leading by example and showing what comes after the inevitable breakdown of Capitalism. We are co-creating with amazing people around the planet. And I have never been happier. What happened? I woke up. This is my story.
My mobile phone rings. The press again. “We heard rumors that the owner wants to sell the company. What is your comment?” I give the statement to the journalist, hurry into the next meeting to discuss the communication of the new brand strategy. In between, I constantly receive phone calls from journalists as the speculations spread fast. A performance review with an employee is up next, followed by a meeting to decide the communication strategy for a product relocation. Then budget discussions for the coming year. Team meeting to forward the newly gained knowledge to my employees. All of that has to be ready before I will enter the airplane tomorrow to fly to China. I leave the company in the evening at 10 pm. I am very tired, permanently over-worked. Caffeine in the morning to wake up and alcohol in the evening to be able to sleep are my best friends. As Head of PR and Marketing 14 hour days are the rule. I use the free Saturdays to work through emails and prepare presentations. My job controls me. I am compensating the stress: I am rewarding myself with new clothes, latest gadgets, modern kitchen equipment, ….
“Many are jealous of what I have reached. And yet, each time after a short feeling of joy and satiscfaction, it is back: This inner void.”
My husband and I are making so much money that we can afford a big new house in a wealthy neighborhood. In addition to that at least one big trip overseas and several city trips on the weekends. We have a big circle of friends, so that we are permanently busy on the weekends as well. We never really have a quiet moment. Many are jealous of what I have reached. And yet, each time after a short feeling of joy and satisfaction it is back: This inner void and with it the nagging questions: “What am I actually doing here? Is that all? And is that really what I want to do for the next 30 years? That was my comfort zone. I was not really happy in it, but at least I felt safe. And it would have stayed that way if my body would not have given me a clear signal: “Enough. I am forcing you into a break. That is not the life you want to live. And presented me a slipped disk in my lower back that tied me to bed for four weeks.
Today, I am living between places, wherever we are taken to next. It has not always been easy, and sometimes very challenging, when your old reality is dismantled, and you just don’t know where the money for food will come from, or where you are going to sleep, or how you are going to get from A to B. It takes a lot of trust in your own creation and inner guidance.
It took a while until we started finding each other – people who have a completely new and different vision for life on earth, too. People who we are co-creating with us, and are seeing the benefit for themselves in it on a larger scale. We kept, and keep on trusting our impulses, and wow – magic always happens. Whenever you hit a road that would be considered a dead-end by the human mind – as there seems to be no solution – everything shifts, is rearranged, and new doors to walk through show themselves out of thin air.
I am in a conscious partnership with my partner Agustí, and our two dogs that live with us. And no – he is NOT my twin flame. Labels and stories don’t matter anymore, once you have gone through all detachments that the Twin Flame Story challenges you into relentlessly. Until only unconditional love is left. Agustí also went through the throws of a Twin Flame connection, so we both know exactly what it feels like and how it brings you back to true freedom and authenticity.
Our relationship is so different from anything we knew before. Simply because we take ownership for our own emotions and experience and because we are not depending on each other – we just share our energy without a push and pull dynamic. We basically are together 24/7, yet that has more to do with our joint endeavor Creating the designs and prototypes for a new earth society/collective, based on empowerment, safe space and community. We are not doing this alone, but are co-creating with a people around the planet. It is the most inspiring, amazing and fulfilling thing we could possibly experience. We are actually doing it! The time of talking about it is over. Embodiment is key now. Translating the energy into a physical experience that inspires true transformation of what we used to know.
Before I was ready for all of this, I really needed to go on a big detox. In all areas of my life. I detached from everything that was not the true me and not aligned with my essence. I was traveling either in my camper van in Europe or I was traveling with my backpack. I had no obligations to anyone. I did not pay taxes and I had no insurance. The only contract I still had left was my mobile phone contract. I worked from anywhere and was only doing so when I felt inspired. Instead of following an unnatural work schedule, I was, and still am, following my energetic flow. After the clear message of my back, a process of rethinking and re-evaluation took place that I could not fight back any longer. I knew I had to do something else, I just did not know what. I focused on healing my back first. The doctors told me I would not be able to ever walk straight again without surgery. The thought alone of them cutting my back open gave me the creeps. So I looked into alternative healing possibilities. I found a practitioner that was working holistically, connecting energy work, talk therapy and body work. Step by step, my back healed and I learned so much about energies and self-healing and how our body-system works. I decided for a training in Reiki up to the Master-Level. I never had surgery. Today, I am running, hiking, kite-surfing without any pain or problems. I even climbed Kilimanjaro in 2015. As my back healed more and more, the question about what to do with my job came back. I was still working way too much, although I had learned to take it a bit more slowly and finding my space for stillness.
In 2014, I booked an energy retreat week in Italy. There was something about it I could not explain that was really drawing me there. I ended up in paradise. Sun, good food, nature all around, and a wonderful group of people. When I arrived, I had no idea that this week would be the trigger to turn everything completely upside down. I thought I only had to find my destiny in terms of my job and then my life would be perfect.
“But then…. There was him. The one. Out of the blue I met a man that ripped my heart wide open. The energetic pull between us was so strong, that I was not able to resist it.”
But then…. There was him. The one. Out of the blue I met a man that ripped my heart wide open. The energetic pull between us was so strong that I was not able to resist it. “How can something that seems so wrong feel so right?” I asked myself. Time and space dissolved when we were together and for the first time I knew what love really feels like. And it was so different from anything I had ever experienced before. The connection between us was so strong, it pumped me up with energy. I did not have to sleep or to eat. I was buzzing. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I knew my life would never be the same. I was sure: I had found what I had been searching for all this time. All I had to do was go home, and let go of my old life to be with him. Oh boy, how wrong was I then. I had no idea yet what I had gotten into. After my return, my husband and I had a long talk and we both agreed that indeed it was time for both of us to start anew. We both realized that we had lied to ourselves long enough and that we were like brother and sister, but not like a couple. We decided to sell the house and to separate. And then I thought: Great, all set, now I can be with him! And… he ditched me. It was brutal. After all we had shared and experienced together. I was devastated. Could I have gone so wrong? Could this have been so one sided? I felt that what I had felt was true. Why on earth did he turn his back on me? I was pushed into the deepest darkness and despair. I was crying with no relief. I felt so alone. And there was this fear again that was so familiar. The fear of him not wanting to keep me. This feeling I had felt as an eight year old child for the first time when my parents separated and Mom took off with another guy, my brother and me to another city. And I wanted to stay with my dad. But they did not let me. My dad had abandoned me. I had failed and had not been good enough. That was the belief and fear pattern I had formed that should accompany me in my life and come up as a pattern repeatedly – in my jobs, in my relationships, in my friendships.
“It took me a while to figure out that all my experiences were merely a reflection of myself and my own fears and beliefs. I realized that the one man I thought was the answer to my search indeed was. But not in a way I had expected it.”
It took me a while to figure that out. That all my experiences were merely a reflection of myself and my own fears and beliefs. I realized that the one man I thought was the answer to my search, indeed was. But not in a way I had expected it. He was showing me where I still had wounds and what I still had tolook at. He pushed every single button for me until there was none left and I had worked through all my fears and had transmuted them into love. Through his rejection, he supported me to find back into self-love and who I truly am. He showed me the way into complete freedom. He became my biggest teacher and thanks to him I grew so much in such a short time. He showed me that the only person that is able to fulfill me is myself. He was the biggest gift to me after I learned to look through the illusion of my programmed belief system. Through my own process, I learned so much about the universal energies and laws and how they relate to my own energy and health. It became clear to me how we create our own reality through our own attitude and intentions. I understood that I align with what I vibrate out energetically. I realized how much my ego had kept me in fears and had denied me access to my dreams. For the first time I understood who God truly is and how God feels like. That it is inside of us and that we are all part of it. And that as me being a total atheist person … I had grown up in the complete absence of religion and was never really fond of religion or spirituality at all. All of a sudden I had access to the higher consciousness and was accessing information from other dimensions.
“All of a sudden, I just knew things about quantum physics, universal energies, the programmed society we all grew up and lived in.”
All of a sudden, I just knew things about quantum physics, universal energies, the programmed society we all grew up and lived in. And I could feel what he felt. I was able to tell when he had a good or a bad day. All of this was so scary at first and I just thought I needed to go to the hospital to get some good meds to become “normal” again. Until I realized, that for the first time I was on my way to become normal and that I had been living in a matrix of illusions. After I came across and article on this soul connection, known as twin flames, I started researching more to understand what was happening with me. And I found out: I am not alone at all, and there are many others going through the exact same process: Spiritual awakening and ascension. I learned so much in such a short time. About the Universe, the planet, people and myself. I realized that ascension is nothing else but raising our own vibrational frequency from the dense and low fear frequencies that rule our planet and society to the high frequencies of unconditional love. And for the first time I felt that deep inner calling: To teach people the language of energy and help them to overcome their fears, belief patterns and blockages to create the life of their dreams.
After I had returned from the retreat, I had quit my job without having anything new. I did that so spontaneously, that my ego had no time to protest. A day later it was giving me a really hard time and fears came up. But it was too late. And the panic was unnecessary because everything happened by itself as if steered by a higher power. I got an offer to become a journalist with Germany’s biggest business newspaper. The house sold without effort and my move into a new city went smoothly. I got four months off between the jobs and I needed it. I was still endlessly suffering from the abandonment of my soul connection. And I had become very sensitive to my environment. Noise and crowds were too much for me to take. So I decided to go traveling to find myself. Japan, Spain, England, Tanzania were my destinations. While I had been with people on the first three trips, I did Africa alone. And that was when I really made progress and found back to myself. For the first time I truly enjoyed spending time with myself and I realized that I actually was a pretty fun and cool person to hang out with. And I loved to be outside in nature 24/7. I had no idea back then how healing nature is but experienced it first hand. I learned kitesurfing and found back into playfulness and joy. I still had my ups and downs, but for the first time the deep darkness I had been was absorbed by my light and love. And I knew what I wanted to do: Work with people, inspire them to find out what they truly desire from their heart, write and travel.
“And I knew what I wanted to do: Work with people, inspire them to find out what they truly desire from their heart, write and travel.
After I had returned and started my job with the newspaper, in parallel people started to gravitate towards me because of my story and experience. I found myself coaching them and understood: I am really good at this! So in parallel to my new journalist career, my blog and coaching business developed. Fast. So fast and successfully that I had to decide where to steer my energy into. During that year I learned that I am not the type of employee with a contract. It made me feel dependent and on duty. I was not able to go with my own flow. A similar feeling of being controlled was caused by my possessions. I realized that all the stuff I had was controlling me and forcing me to make money. I had this big apartment only to store all the stuff I never used. And then there it was. This crazy idea: “Why do I need an apartment? I can work from anywhere. I could just work and travel full time.” Yes! It felt so right to do. I sold and gave away almost everything I had. Furniture, clothes, kitchen stuff, table ware etc. Everything left my apartment. When I stood in front of my incredibly big and full closet, I asked myself: “Was there really a time I thought I would not have anything to wear?” I developed my own ritual. Everything I gave to the charity shop, I put into a big backpack and carried it the 1.5 miles to the shop to feel the weight of these things again on my shoulders. Every time I left the shop with an empty backpack contributed to the growth of my feeling of freedom. I felt lighter and lighter. I ended the lease for the flat and bought a VW camper van. I gave up residency and became a nomad. I cancelled all contracts and insurances. I basically logged out of the system, the Matrix, with no safety net to fall back on. That was the ultimate detox.
I was ready for the next big step: Building a new system and inspire with a new way of life, to show people real alternatives instead of just theory and coaching. And that is what we do now. You can read more about it on www.ffmovement.org.
“Now we are building a new system and inspire with a new way of life, to show people real alternatives instead of just theory and coaching.”
Oh, and: What about him – you might ask now? I don’t know. And it does not matter. He is still in my energy field 24/7 and I will always love him and I will always be grateful for our encounter. Without him, I would not live the life of my dreams and would not have found all of you wonderful beings, including my amazing partner Agustí. I realize now, that the Wake Up Experience was not only important for an information exchange. No – it really brings the collective back together to embody, co-create and build the world we have dreamed of for so long.
With him, there are no attachments or fears left. The love just is – without any conditions or expectations. I love myself and my life the way it is, and enjoy every bit of it, even when it gets challenging and dark sometimes. After two years of just being randomly in touch via messenger with breaks of several months in between, we have met up a couple of times again. At our last meeting, I sat in front of him, and could not connect anymore. All I could see was a grey, old, unhappy man, following his routine. I could feel that this dance is danced. There was no more pressure, no more drama, no more pain, no more anxiety, no more expectation, no longing left. And it just feels good – without any strings attached.