How to detect the (spiritual) Ego at play

In our personal growth and spiritual awakening, sooner or later we make acquaintance with our ego consciously: The part of us that has been programmed with certain belief systems, morals an behavioural patterns: Our mindset. While we are asleep, we believe this to be the truth and we cannot see any other way around it. When we slowly start to wake up, we realize that what we believed to be true is not so true after all. Step by step we discover a much bigger reality as the one our little ego mind had been operating in. And this does not end during our awakening process. Although we might feel that we are already spiritually advanced, our spiritual ego can play its nasty tricks on us to get back into the lead and keep us in spiritual belief systems. It is difficult to detect it and many people struggle to discover their ego at play. Nevertheless, this is the key to really move into wholeness and into the fifth dimension. How can we tell the difference and discover whether our ego or our soul is active? And how can we switch back into our heartspace and intuition to make sure our soul is in the lead?

One thing is guaranteed: The ego always acts from a place of lack and fear. Although it might not be so obvious at the first glance – the ego is always missing something and wants that to feel fulfilled. It is dissatisfied with the NOW moment, and wants it to be different. This missing and longing is caused by a void we carry inside: The lack of self-love. The ego is always in survival mode, although we are not in life danger. It is the part of us that makes us want to fight, freeze or run away when we are facing conflicts or challenging situations. And it acts as if it was so clever – not realizing that it is actually the biggest block in filling that void inside. The ego was never invented to make us happy, it was invented to protect us and keep us safe in an illusionary unsafe world.

Only when the ego has been fully transformed into a free spirit and the heart is in the lead, we feel complete, happy and whole. We do not miss anyone or anything. We feel at home, wherever we go, we live completely in the now and take life as it comes.”

Only when the ego has been fully transformed into a free spirit and the heart is in the lead, we feel complete, happy and whole. We do not miss anyone or anything, we feel at home, wherever we go, we live completely in the now and take life as it comes. We have dropped any need to control anything. We are living and doing everything with highest excitement – without any expectation of a specific outcome. We just trust the universal flow, knowing that everything happens perfectly for us. That is what the fifth dimension is all about. Having said that, here are seven ways to detect if you are in ego mode:

“We need to talk”

The ego wants to solve things by talking about them. When we have a conflict with another person the ego often comes up with the need to talk about the situation with the people involved. It wants to address all the things the other person(s) did that were hurtful. “I am so disappointed. Friends don’t do that to each other”. The ego speaks out loud the expectations it has, based on its belief systems. Our ego’s goal is to change the other’s behavior to prevent a situation like this to not arise anymore. Often that results in hours of discussion and accusations. The ego loves to blame and judge. The ego wants to proof the others guilty for the own experience. The ego loves to go into victim mode to define the perpetrator and the one responsible for the pain. What we do not understand in ego mode is that we cannot change another person if we do not change ourselves. Energetically there is no other way to permanently get rid of the conflict. A talk about a situation does not change anything in terms of energetic frequency. The law of attraction (alike attracts alike) will present us the same conflicts again and again, until we realize that we carry that frequency within us and are responsible for our experience and are the creator of our reality. Our soul knows this truth and will always go within instead of trying to change a person. The soul goes into the feeling that is triggered by the situation and acts out the emotions constructively, without hurting others involved. The soul is grateful for this experience and opportunity to grow and is grateful to people involved for the lesson learned.

“I need Revenge”

Closely related to this, is the ego’s desire for revenge. If someone hurt us, our ego often goes into revenge mode. It wants to hurt back. It wants the other person to suffer just the same because of what he or she did to us. So the ego comes up with strategies how to turn it back onto the people involved in our pain.

Our soul would never seek revenge as it knows that we are responsible for our own experience and that we can change our reality only with our own discernment.

“We need to find the Root Cause”

When we are on our spiritual path and we know about the just described dynamics, the next ego trap is ahead. We know now that people are mirroring back our own patterns and fears. We know that we have to work through them and transcend them from fear to unconditional love. That is when the ego starts researching. It wants to find the root cause for this fear to find the one responsible for this experience. So we spend a lot of time researching, spend a lot of money for akashic record or psychic readings and on Past life regression or similar things. Because we want to know. That is our ego at play. The ego always wants to know where things come from. The energy involved could not care less. The energy is not interested how it was created. Our soul knows that energy can always be transformed (the law of transformation / conservation states that energy cannot dissolve, it can only change frequency). And our soul knows that we can transform any fear pattern into love by reacting to the experience with a high frequency of gratitude, forgiveness, compassion or playfulness/humor. Our soul knows that we do not have to spend any energy on researching the past. Our soul just embraces and allows the emotion to run through our system to release it and let it go with gratitude to transmute it.

“I am right you are wrong”

“You can either be right or be happy”. This sentence summarizes perfectly the difference between ego and soul. The ego always has the need to be right and convince other people of its point of view. The ego cannot stand if someone has a different opinion or perception. The ego cannot accept that other people have their own soul journey and experience and might need to have a different lesson or experience than we do. And the ego does not want to accept that soul growth never stops, and there is always a much larger reality than it knows. The ego can get really angry if someone goes against its opinion and truth. It lashes out and sometimes it really wants to destroy the other person, for example by bullying or finding other people to group up to be in the majority. We even see this behaviour with the most spiritual people wanting to convince others that their hard won truth is the only right way or finding supporters of their view. Our soul does not need to be right. Our soul knows that everyone has an individual growth journey and needs to find his or her own truth. Our soul accepts everyone and everything as it is. Our soul offers its wisdom to inspire others without any expectation. The soul knows within, that we are perfect as we are and does not seek any external confirmation. Our soul does not judge others or situations, it only perceives. And that means to feel what resonates or not without the need to justify the own perception.

“If I were you….”

The ego loves to give unasked advice. It feels in an empowered and better position when it can “help” other people. The ego pushes its knowledge and opinion onto others and uses this as a means of satisfaction. On the other hand, the ego also seeks the answers outside and wants to find someone to give advice or a solution to a specific issue. The ego permanently compares itself to others. This is quite common in the spiritual community as well. “Why is my journey different from what others experience? Why do other people astral travel or have visions and I don’t? Is something wrong with me?”

Our soul knows that people who want advice or help gravitate towards us when they are ready. That there is no need to push anything. Our soul simply trusts. Our soul does not compare but appreciates our individual journey as part of the whole. The soul knows that the difference is necessary for harmony in oneness and that each one of us has a specific gift and talent to contribute to the human community.

“I need a Plan and Guarantee”

The ego loves to plan to have things not only in order, but to have a guarantee that things turn out the way we planned them ahead. The ego hates surprises and unpredictability. It wants to be in control, have security and has an idea of a certain outcome. So it remains in limitations and belief systems. Beliefs are closed. They do not allow any other point of view or opinion. Thus, the ego spends a lot of time on making plans, to do lists, budgets and is creating all kinds of scenarios it prepares for. And it is devastated when things take a different turn. Our soul has no beliefs. It has faith and trusts in the energy.Our soul is wide open and embraces all possibilities. Our soul knows that energies have their own dynamic and cannot be forced into rigid plans. Our soul goes with the flow without planning ahead. Our soul trusts that the energies always guide us perfectly and provide us with everything we need on this part of the journey. The more we wake up, the less we can still handle rigid structures, schedules and plans. We detach from those more and more and learn to jump into the unknown and to love the unpredictability of life. Our soul knows if we trust the flow, then the energies can do their magic and create the most amazing and fulfilling experiences for us.

I need to save the world

The ego loves to identify with things, titles and roles. That is what it feeds from and what keeps it alive. It does not really matter to the ego what it can identify with, as long as it is attached to an identity. One of the biggest ego-traps in the spiritual world is the “spiritual mission”. We identify as important lightworkers, part of the 144.000, the chosen one, twin flames, starseeds etc. as long as it makes us important. Without realizing, we are in the same pattern as any CEO, Project Manager, Rockstar, Artist, Mom, etc… We like it to be put on a pedestal, and getting attention to fill our inner void. 

Our soul is just interested in our evolution, growth and expansion – individually and collectively. It knows that there is no need for a mission, because everyone is responsible for their own growth and experience. Our soul unconditionally shares our essence, and the only mission there is is enjoying the experience and embody our essence as part of the whole. Our soul includes everyone and does not have to separate in categories of importance. 

“I should have”

Our ego loves to spend a lot of time with blaming and judging ourselves for things that have happened in the past. It can waste a lot of energy by going into the should have, would have, could have game. Although it is obvious, our ego is not able to accept that things in the past are done and over. Our soul knows that the only way to change the feeling of failure, grief or guilt involved is to change the energetic frequency attached to it. Our soul goes within and practices self-forgiveness and self-compassion to transmute the fears involved.

So – Whenever you detect your ego at play – wonderful! That is the first important step in discernment. Once you know – you know that there is a chance to transform energy. For more information on how to work with your ego effectively and transform it into the free spirit it truly yearns to be, please check out the article: How to transcend the ego and become a free spirit or the video tutorials. Happy transcending!

The texts I share are always based on my own intuition and/or on experiences of clients, friends and my own. I do not claim what I share to be the ultimate truth. I encourage everyone to only take what resonates to find your own truth and wisdom. As this is universal wisdom, I do not claim any copyright. Please feel free to share this content as long as you keep its message complete so that the meaning does not get twisted. Thank you. Vera


  1. How do I go with the flow and still set boundaries,? Isn’t that ego protecting us?
    Thank you

    1. Hi Jeannie, thanks so much for your question. Setting healthy boundaries is not ego – it is self-love. We have to learn to put ourselves first, not from an ego point of view, but from the heart. Only when we feel happy and fulfilled, we can truly share this with others without being drained. Being a lightworker and spiritual person does not mean that we have to be a doormat. The boundaries we set are made from a place of love, not from a place of fear. That is the difference…. Much love to you! <3

  2. I absolutely LOVED this article!!! You have really given us great examples of ego vs. soul! I yearn to always live from a place of soul & heart. I am learning more & more how to do this but damn…the ego keeps popping back in! But I am grateful for the awareness. I know that is a huge initial step! Thank you so much!

  3. Thank you so so much for this arrival. I had an experience yesterday and ego was playing with me. When I became quiet I looked at the situation, going over details and arrived at a space within where I felt peace and freedom. I realised I transformed the outcome. You confirmed that with this article. Thank you so much, I got it, huge heart smile.

  4. Thank you once again, beautiful Vera, for being the voice of my soul when I couldn’t hear myself…

    At the kitchen sink today, at 7am, after a dreadful night of no sleep, headaches, eye strain, nausea, ringing in the ears… you know the usual Ascension stuff 🙂 – I woke up full of angst about a situation that continues to bug me. All else in my life, I feel I have dealt with and am ready to move on, but this one thing still comes up…

    I asked the Mother of All Creation to help me to find the solution within myself…


    I have also read the link which you inserted to the March offering, about how to free ourselves from the Ego. I cannot tell you how much this has helped me today…

    You are a treasure and a blessing… and I can’t wait to meet you and give you a special, special hug from my Soul xoxoxox

  5. Thank you so much. With every article comes more beautiful answers to my personal journey. Namaste Vera!!!

  6. This article is so powerful and resonates on so many levels, I can definitely see my areas of soul connection and I’m definitely more happy to go with the flow, I’ve moved away from the order and structure sort of person I was. Understand now why I’m accepting a situation without trying to change it. Love your teachings Vera, thank you for sharing this wisdom

  7. It’s all perfect… this so resonates. It couldn’t come at a more perfect time. Huge shift in recognising beliefs, and dropping them. As a counsellor I now realise how much of my work in helping others came from a place of ego, in past life work I also now recognise how much time is spent on finding answers, there are none. The universe handles the details, I know that the work I do is constantly shifting, and in allowing I embrace whatever comes into my life experience. Thank you from my soul. With love.

  8. Vera, two years after you wrote this article, I hope my response finds you and helps. I know you are going to say this feeds into the “I am right, you are wrong” mentality, but you are so off about not needing to discover the root cause of our suffering. You can “transmute” energy all you want (and it will, indeed, serve as a temporary fix), but, without addressing the root cause of our pain, the fix will *always* be only temporary. (Kind of like a sugar high which makes us feel great for a few minutes, but then–inevitably, sends us crashing back down to Earth.)

    Think of karma (basically, all the past life experiences that continue to cause us suffering) as an energetic scar. It is impossible to “transmute” that scar into upper dimension energy until you’ve first detected it, examined it, figured out in what way it’s causing your energetic blocks, etc. Saying you can just “transmute” that scar is, at best, wishful thinking. At worst, it is pretending, lying to both the Universe and our selves (with good intentions, of course, and high hopes that this will someday, indeed, create a permanent “fix”). It doesn’t work this way. We can’t trick the Universe (or our selves) into thinking we’ve “transmuted” something we haven’t. Walking around saying “I’m so happy!” “I’m so grateful!” when, in fact, we aren’t, isn’t fooling the Universe (and is, in fact, fooling others on similar journeys into thinking: “Wow! She’s so happy! She must have this all figured out. What’s wrong with me? I keep transmuting energy, and–still, I’m dealing with the same old feelings of fear, heaviness, despair, etc.”).

    The Universe “likes” (for lack of a better term) authenticity. Pretending to be authentic doesn’t fly. If you are in pain, poke at it, examine it, look at it from different angles, figure out where it’s coming from. Ask the Universe for help. This is *not* working from ego. This is working *with* ego to see where your energetic field is damaged and in need of repair. Only then can that damaged energy be transmuted. We are human beings–the Universe doesn’t “fault” us for that. It wants to work with us to repair the damaged energy–not watch us pretend we already have. *That’s* working from ego. It doesn’t fool the Universe, it doesn’t fool our true selves. It just keeps us locked in 3D pain. Even as we try to convince ourselves (and others) that we’re operating in 5D. xx

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